When It Just Doesn’t Feel Right

But sometimes, it just doesn't work that way. You can debate endlessly in your mind, list the pros and cons, run it through logic a dozen different ways—but in the end, something deeper takes over. A feeling. A sense. A quiet inner voice that says: go this way, not that one.

And when it gets right down to it, you choose to trust that gut feeling. You honor that knowing. No matter what the science says. No matter what the so-called “rational” voices are shouting from either side of the equation. Or maybe you chose to ignore that inner knowing and went with the rational or expected choice... and later you realized how right your intuition had been.

The Unexplainable No

There have been many times in my life when I’ve made a decision without a single logical reason—and it’s caused more than a few challenges in my marriage. My husband tends to be more logically or rationally minded. When I’d say, “No, I don’t want to do that—it just doesn’t feel right,” he’d ask me to explain why. And I couldn’t.

And oftentimes, I still can’t. Because the decision isn’t coming from reason—it’s coming from a place deeper than that. From a feeling. A sense that says “no” without explanation, justification, or chart of pros and cons—though I could probably make one if I had to. But the truth is, I have to choose "no" because in that situation, "yes" just doesn’t feel right.

And unfortunately, this way of navigating life isn’t something that’s been encouraged by modern society, or taught in school, or modeled in most systems. We’re trained to always have a reason. To be rational. To defend our choices with evidence. To go with the science.

But we all have an inner compass—that deep gut knowing—and we all have access to it. And the more I’ve honored mine, the more peace I’ve found. Even when it didn’t make sense to anyone else -- and sometimes not even me.

Balancing Logic and Inner Guidance

Now don’t get me wrong—I’m not suggesting that reason and logic be tossed aside when making decisions. Of course not. Rational thought plays an important role.

What I am suggesting is that every decision—yes, even the well-reasoned, carefully considered ones—be run by your inner compass. That quiet sense of rightness that isn’t based on approval or tradition, but on your own truth. So even if you’ve weighed the pros and cons and mapped out what appears to be the best path, there’s still one more step: check in with your inner guidance. Does the decision feel right for you?

Not right for your neighbor, not right for your boss, not right according to your upbringing or your reputation. Right for you. Because we’re very good at selling ourselves on plans that sound good on paper—working more hours, or accepting that promotion, so we can have a bigger house, more money, higher status. But the quiet voice within may offer a very different version of the life where your joy and peace reside. And the way to hear that voice is simple: pause, take a breath, and feel.

Looking Forward into the Future

I read something recently in a novel—something the character said that really stuck with me. The suggestion was this: ask yourself how you imagine your life to be six years from now. Not the life you're currently trying to manage or fix or figure out, but the one where things have finally come together. The life where you're at peace. Where you're happy more often than not. Where your soul feels settled, not scattered.

So here’s the process, as it stayed with me:

Close your eyes. Let go of what your life looks like today. Gently release all the details, the problems, the to-do lists. Instead, picture a morning six years from now—your day off. You’ve just had a good night’s sleep. Your bed is cozy, your sheets soft and clean. The air is cool, just right. And more importantly, you’re not anxious. You’re not lonely. You feel... okay. Whole. Grounded. Content.

Let yourself live in that version of you, just for a moment. Feel what that life feels like.

Now bring the image into sharper focus. You roll over in bed and stretch. There’s a sound in the kitchen—someone’s making breakfast. You get up and walk toward the kitchen. What do you notice on the way? What’s outside the windows? Who’s at the table? What’s in the air—coffee, music, laughter? And how do you feel in that space, in that life?

Then, when you gently come back from the visualization, ask yourself: "What did I learn?" What did this future version of you want you to know? Does the life you just imagined line up with the decision you’re wrestling with today? Or does it point in a completely different direction?

Because sometimes, when the present is confusing, your future self is the only one who can speak clearly.

Here’s another version of that process:

Imagine yourself two, four, or six years from now, living with the results of the decision you're about to make. Are you at peace? Are you joyful? Or are you weighed down with regrets? If you had to do it all over again, would you still choose the same path?

When present-day emotions are murky, projecting ourselves into the future can illuminate truths we can't yet see. And in that imagined space, your inner self may speak a little louder. Maybe even loud enough that you have to hear it.

When the Present Is Too Noisy

Sometimes, hindsight really is 20/20. In the moment, it can be incredibly hard to see clearly—especially when emotions, fears, judgments, or other people’s expectations are swirling around us. Whether it’s our own inner doubts or the voices of family, friends, or society, all that noise can cloud our vision. The path that may be right for us gets shaded over with other people’s desires, our past experiences, and cultural conditioning. No wonder it's hard to feel sure about anything.

That’s why being able to mentally project yourself into the future can be such a valuable tool. It gives you a little distance—a little breathing room. When you imagine yourself two, four, or six years down the line, you momentarily leave behind the attachments and emotional tugs of the present. You become an observer instead of a participant. And from that neutral space, you can simply watch how the decision plays out—like a scene unfolding in a movie.

Try it. Picture the character of “you” living the life that results from the choice you're facing today. Watch that movie unfold. Is it joyful? Is it peaceful? Does it feel aligned with the true "you"? Or does something feel tight, pressured, or hollow?

As an observer—detached and calm—you may find the truth becomes clearer. The fog lifts. The emotional grip of now fades, and what’s right for you begins to emerge.

Practice Makes Peace

So here’s a good practice: with any decision you make, ask yourself—how does this feel? And I don’t mean just the big, life-altering decisions. I mean the little ones. The insignificant ones. What are you going to wear today? What are you going to eat? Coffee or juice? Walk or drive? These are all great moments to practice tuning in to your inner sense of rightness.

Because like anything else, the more you practice, the better you get at it. So start today. Make this question your constant companion, your ever-present focus: How does this feel?

Ask it about your shoes. Ask it about what time you should leave. Ask it before you pick up the phone, or answer that email, or say yes to a social invite. Then take a second to pause—breathe—and tune in. Wait for your inner response.

Everyone experiences that inner sense differently. Some people feel it as a gut sensation. Others may notice a kind of lightness or joy. And for some, it’s a quiet steadiness, a clarity that doesn’t shout, but feels solid. Others may actually hear or feel words or feel their body gently shift in a yes or no -- like a pendulum.

However your inner being speaks to you, these little, everyday decisions are the perfect way to practice. This or that? Now or later? This way or that way? The more you ask, the more fluent you become in your own inner language.

And it’s not that one choice is necessarily wrong and the other right. It’s more about what feels most aligned for you in this moment. For example, if you're deciding whether to wear the red blouse or the blue one, there’s no objectively right answer. But one of them might feel just a little more “you” today. And that’s enough. That’s guidance.

Let Your Inner Yes Be Enough

We all have an inner compass. We’re just not usually taught how to use it. But it’s there. It always has been. And the more we listen, the more clearly it speaks. So whether you’re choosing a new path in life or just deciding what to have for lunch—ask yourself how it feels. Not how it looks. Not how it will be perceived. Not how it compares. Just how it feels—for you.

Because when a decision feels right—even if no one else understands—it usually is.

Marie T. Russell is the founder of InnerSelf Magazine (founded 1985). She also produced and hosted a weekly South Florida radio broadcast, Inner Power, from 1992-1995 which focused on themes such as self-esteem, personal empowerment, and inner well-being. Her articles focus on transformation and reconnecting with our own inner source of love. joy, and creativity.